really long week

I really havnt talked about myself much. I am 44 yrs old. I have 5 children. My oldest is 25 and my youngest is 11. So all of my kids have had the opprotunity to know their grandmother before the alz. really took a hold of her. The two youngest not as much, but i have lots of memories of her with them and i will always cherish those. I like to be busy. I am more content when im busy and tend to stay more focused. There is that fine line between being busy, and complete craziness. I seem to walk that line a little too often sometimes. But i think until all the kids are raised that probably isnt gonna change to much. I was blessed with great health. I do not get sick much. I do not have multiple ailments, or get sick much. I realize i am fairly young and this could change, but for the most part i am blessed with my health. I was not however blessed with a healthy spine. I have a degenerative disease that will continue to cause my discs to breakdown and herniate, and collapse. I have had 1 back surgery to repair some damage, and to help manage the nerve pain it was causing. I have also had 2 discs removed from my neck and had them replaced with doner bone, screws and plates. Not fun. I do deal with chronic pain, on a daily basis. This is hard. As a caregiver it is hard because my children are old enough that if i needed to sty down for a day, i could. As a care giver life goes on. Grama still needs to be fed, bathed, and taken care of. That is really hard some days. I for the most part have to keep puttering most of the day, or i cant stand the pain. I have to take pain meds which i hate but i realized along time ago as my situation continued to worsen that if i am to have any life at all i have to address the pain. Pain is a funny thing. It really messes with your mind. When you deal with it daily, it is almost like it becomes another family member. Its like there is myself, my husband and my pain in our relationship. It sucks. I dont know any other way to put it. I hate it. I have slowly watched my life shrink as far as what i can do. I have given up alot. But what i choose to focus on is what i am still able to do. and that is alot. Dont get me wrong i have terrible bouts of anger that i have to face every day with such physical pain. But i cant change it so i have to figure a way to live a life that makes me happy with it. Today is a bad day pain wise. I know i try to accomplish too much, but i also know when i quit trying i probably give up. I try not to think about what the future hold for me in that area because i know at some point i will be facing more surgery.